Homesick or Nah?

I don’t know what to do other than write out my problem. Maybe I’ll stumble upon a solution. I’m not exactly sure if I’m home sick or if I just really want to move to back to Northern California. I really can’t call it.

Since I was a kid all I’ve ever wanted was to live by Lake Merritt in Oakland, Ca. Later on in life that dream was met by a new rival dream; Midtown Sacramento.

Fast forward to March 2017, I live in Detroit, MI. How I ended up here is a long story, but it’s been 6 months and I’m trying to figure out if I’m over it. Not that it’s a bad place to live, I actually like it here. It’s just not familiar. Am I giving it a chance? I’m not sure. Maybe the answer is sometimes.

All my life I lived in California, and now after escaping the astronomical cost of living, and outrages taxes, for one reason or the other, am desperate to go back. It’s like I can fix what I got wrong the last 17 years of my adulthood. Or can I? It’s something about the unknown the tugs at the imagination of a man void of answers.

We moved to Detroit to live free of all the monthly bills you accumulate, due to the consumerism lifestyle that one is conditioned to live — influenced from American society. So far we are doing that. With no mortgage to boot. And somehow, I feel the urge to go back to renting an apartment, just to say I live life on “my terms” in California. And by my terms, I mean somewhere convenient, where I can walk to the store, walk to the park, or water, or where ever I see fit.

Truthfully Detroit offers just as much, if not more than what I’m used to, it’s just not familiar and truthfully I haven’t fully explored it, due to my home sickness. Or maybe it’s due to me reasoning my home sickness with my inner feelings of it wasn’t my idea to move here.

None the less, we are here now, and I haven’t been giving it my all consistently. There’s so much conflict inside of my head. What if I move back home, only to realize I was just home sick, and the traffic, and everything else that pisses me off about my native state really stands out now. Then I’m stuck feeling stupid, wondering why I left. But what if the opposite is true? Or what if I never leave Detroit, and the “what if” part of my imagination never lets up. Haunting me forever.

Maybe I just need to jump on a flight and get a sample size of home, and go from there. That sounds like a solution actually. Hmmm…. Sounds like a plan✌🏿

 

 

4 comments

    1. I might be. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I be going thru hella shit in my head. Fucking up rotation over here. I’m frustrated, and not at all happy…. Borderline depressed. But I’m not sure if moving back will help. I don’t know what to do but be productive with these websites.

      Like

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